Am I Prepared...

We've been struggling with Kezia the past couple of months. You all know that she is pretty independent and fairly strong-willed but she is really pushing her boundaries - and my patience. I am at a loss at how to discipline her and find that most days I totally lose my cool. I've been praying that God would give me wisdom and discernment on this. I feel tired, mean and a nag. So this morning as I was praying for W/D, patience and for Kezia to have a good day, I read My Utmost For His Highest for Aug 14th. It is titled 'Chastening'. Great - here comes some wonderful insight on how to discipline my daughter!! Well - I was sort of right. (you can see where this is going, can't you =). I am God's daughter - and this was for me. "Despise not the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of Him" Hebrews 12:5 spoke to my heart. In my attempts to correct Kezia all I really seem to be doing is showing my lack of discipline and need of correction. Kezia is learning from me how to lose patience, peace, and purpose.

"Am I prepared to let God grip me by His power and do a work in me

that is worthy of Himself? Sanctification is not my idea of what

I want God to do for me, sanctification is God's idea

of what He wants to do for me, and He has to get me into

the attitude of mind and spirit where at any cost

I will let Him sanctify me wholly"

OK - ouch! I know that it is my responsibility to train/teach my children about God, love, integrity, etc. I think that God is showing me, through this challenge with Kez, my need for Him to train/teach me. I am the little child, wanting to go my way and do my thing. Help me Father to have the attitude "at any cost" and let you guide me, and chasten, as needed. Help me to learn from you so that I can teach my little ones. Help me to not be so hard on Kezia - afterall, you show me grace, patience, and love all the time. Thank you God that your mercies are new everyday!

Family haps

Well, I really meant to post these sooner...you know how it goes =)

Kezia lost her other front tooth just days after the first one! She was so excited - Lanny was at the store and I suggested she waited for daddy..."no way, Mommy - I'm gonna pull this one out now!" And so she did =)


The raising of the hoop - finally! With a little (lot) help from our friends, Lanny's basketball hoop dream is fulfilled.


Lanny's first shot...(it went in - yay!) We've had several neighborhood kids come over and stare (it really is big) - and Lanny loves having them over to play.
Kezia enjoyed a two OMSI Science camps this summer: Kitchen Chemistry and Flower Power. Kitchen Chem was cool - she made glue, play dough, muffins & ice cream. This picture is from her field trip to the Rose Garden with her Flower Power group. Lanny was able to join us and help me chaperone some of the girls in the group - Eden was excited to finally go to camp =)
Ah, Jordan - unable to defend herself from the sticker monster, uh, I mean fairy =)

And as for me - I'm just trying to stay on top of all the things that seem to need my attention. In the midst of a crazy, fun summer - I feel God drawing me to Him. I struggle to find my quiet time but when I do, ah, such peace. Unfortunately it doesn't happen every day - but then, maybe that's why Jordan sometimes wakes up at 4am. I tell ya, God will come looking for you - and I'm so glad He does!

here we are...

Summer time is moving quickly! Jordan is almost three months old- and growing so fast. As you can see, she has found her fingers =) She sleeps beautifully (thank you Lord!) and loves to smile at people. She laughs in her sleep (adorable) and when I stick my tongue out at her I can tell she is ready to bust out laughing ...won't be long now....


Lanny has been working hard to get his BB ball hoop up. Eden has been a great helper - pouring water, moving rocks, checking the depth of the hole =). It's not yet completed but Lanny should be shootin' hoops before the week is out.

Kezia lost her front tooth (finally!) - the tooth fairy has come to our house three times in the last 5 months - Crazy! Kez's other front tooth is loose too, but it could be months before we see the tooth fairy again. I can't believe how fast she is growing and turning into such a little girl - with very definite ideas about what she wants =) She has been going to OMSI summer camp and loves it! I love that she is independent and willing to try anything - I just don't want her to grow up too fast.

enjoy the quick update...

Remembering

I'm in a little funk today. Have been most of this month. July is emotional for me. I got married in July, had my first child in July. But right now I'm thinking about two very influentional women in my life - my two best friends who passed away in July: my sister Karen and my Grandma Maxine. I was hoping that blogging would help release some of the sadness, and I guess it does, but tears stream down my face as I type.

My sister and I did not always see eye to eye and were opposites in many ways. But I knew she was always there for me, taking care of me. She could make me laugh like no other person - and cry as well. She gave me my first black eye, taught me how to shoot a basket, how to swim, how to open Christmas presents - but the most important thing she taught me was how to have a relationship with Jesus. She taught me that he was real and I could talk to him anytime I wanted to. She was strong, independent, caring, generous and full of life. I miss her.

My Grandma was just the most special lady you'd ever want to meet. She stood at four feet eleven inches but always appeared taller. She was classy, a smart dresser, loved music and taught me how to do the Charleston. I get my love of dancing from her. She and I would stay up late at night playing cards, telling secrets and giggling. She was a free spirit and a wise woman who taught me to look on the positive side of life, to keep smiling, and never give up. She was 93 when she passed away and I was blessed to be there with her. I read to her Psalms 23 and held her hand as she went to meet Jesus. I miss her.

Losing loved ones stinks! But I was so blessed to be touched by these two wonderful women. Their memories live on in me and I hope to pass them on to my children. I think I'll just go and have a good cry and miss my two best friends.

my wordle

this was fun =)

getting my groove on

I love to dance. It has been a long time since I've really danced though. Sure I sway with the music - most of the time not even realizing it. The one dance I've really missed is my two step with God. He and I really knew how to cut a rug. Fast songs, slow songs, country songs, jazz, swing - you name it - we were there. I'm not sure when we stopped dancing - but I do know that it wasn't because He stopped asking. Somewhere along the line I got busy, I got 'reserved', I 'matured', I worried too much about what others would think. But my partner came looking for me - He saw me through the crowded room of excuses, worries, and self-doubt and met my eye - and held it. And my stomach dropped - just like it used to. To see Him walk towards me - holding out His hand. Wanting to dance with me! Wanting to spend time swaying to the music -twirling, waltzing. I feel the passion stirring within me - passion that got buried so deep down - being rekindled. For what purpose? I don't care - I just want to keep dancing. Trusting in my partner to lead me around the dance floor with grace, direction and confidence. It feels like home - the one place where I truly feel I can let loose and be me. To get my groove on and know that it doesn't matter who is watching. To dance with My Lord, My Abba Father, - ahhh, there is no place like home.

It has been such a busy few weeks. I turned 40! In some ways it such seems so wrong to say "I'm 40". I remember when my mom turned 40 and I thought she was so OLD. I feel young. I feel like dancing =) I'm looking forward to what this decade has to offer. And what I can offer it. So many wonderful things are going to happen - Disneyland, ballet classes, family gatherings, salvation for family members, watching the girls grow up, soccer games, potty training, high school, traveling somewhere exotic (hoping!)...and those are the things I think up - I can only imagine what God has planned! As I blew out my candles I felt so blessed to be surrounded by family and friends. I can't tell you what I wished for of course, but I love dreaming big!

Has it been 2 1/2 weeks since Jordan was born? Wow - time just keeps on moving! Again - no deep thoughts or wise words. As a matter of fact - I'm lucky if I can remember what day it is and since my watch died three days ago - I'm never quite sure of the time anymore (except for when Jordan wakes in the middle of the night and I blindly look at my clock). As for deep thoughts - my brain feels fuzzy most of the time and Dr.Pepper is once again my BFF. But even through the lack of sleep, fuzzy brain, and squishy butt and belly - the minute Little J looks at me with her big blue eyes I just melt. She is a sweet baby and even her sisters still think she's the greatest. So far Jordan has gone through a bout of jaundice, is battling her first little cold and yesterday was diagnosed with thrush (which explained her unusual fussiness and my stinging nipples). Hopefully, we'll get everything cleared up soon. Of course, there is no way I would have survived the past two weeks without the help of my mom and my wonderful friends and church family. I have heard the "it takes a village" comment a lot lately - and at times it is true. So thank you everyone for all your help with food, prayers, and bedtime routines - you've been amazing!

She's a girl! Jordan Joy arrived May 3rd at 9:55 am weighing in at 7lbs 10oz and 19 1/2 inches long. Kaelea made it to the hospital to help with the labor at just the right time. Lanny and I got to the hopital at 7:30 a.m. and I was able to effectively prove to the nurse my contractions were real in about 5 minutes. I was taken to a L&D room just when Kaelea arrived. Lanny was so relieved for her help he got a little teary eyed. It must be so hard to see your wife doubled over in pain. Things moved quickly and I was ready to push our little treasure out by 9a.m. Of course, Jordan decided to give everyone a little scare but dropping her heart beat. For about 30 min things were touch and go - OR was prepped for a C-section but after much prayer on my part and great help from everyone - I was able to push Jordan out. It was another painful, exciting, wonderful blessing! We got home from the hospital Monday evening (Jordan had some jaundice issues and got to hang out under a special light for 12 hours - giving us a little longer stay in the hospital). We are all doing great with the usual adjustments. Kezia is so glad that we had a baby and wants to hold her all the time. In the hospital she asked me "can we keep her forever???" - how cute! Eden loves her baby sister but hangs on to mommy whenever she can - she will need some extra attention. Jordan and I are still working out our nursing technique and it's been a little rough on mommy. But she only wakes up once in the evening for about an hour so right now I'm not too upset about her all day feedings (or at least that's what it feels like). But I'm sure we'll both be pros in another week or two. Thank you to all of our family and friends who have been such great help this past week - and will be in the weeks to come. I'm a little overwhelmed at the thought of caring for these 3 little girls. I know that we will get things worked out - I'm just not sure yet how. Well - off to sleep while I can.

Nope - no baby yet. We past the bumped up due date yesterday and are heading for the original due date of May 1st. I have settled it in my mind that a May baby would be great. Besides - what's four more days at this point? It is funny how whenever I call anyone to chat I have to start the conversations with - "no - no baby yet" - I've almost stopped calling people because I don't want to get their hopes up but I'm such a social person - I must have my face-to-face - or at least a few phone chats =) I'm sorry to say that there is not much new here to report. Although my mental state of mind is a little better we're still living in the world of limbo - just trying to go one day at a time until this baby comes and then of course we'll be living one nap at a time. I'm learning from this experience by trying not to put too many things on hold because there is always something that comes along that throws a little kink into your life. Well - off to take a nap while I can. As soon as this little guy/gal decides to make his/her grand entry - we'll start calling everyone! I'm looking forward to starting my conversations with "THIS IS IT".

Playing the waiting game. I really thought this little baby growing inside of me would follow his/her sisters' example and come out early - but, no - we're still pregnant. Last week was tough because I felt 'sure' this is it several times only to have everything slow down again. But, good things come to those who wait, right? (Who said 40 weeks is best???) I think it helps that I'm trying to change my mindset and not expect this baby early. It takes the pressure off and has really helped me to get through my days feeling a little more productive. I still poop out quickly - and with the contractions still coming through out the day - I get a little grumpy by bedtime - but on the whole I feel a little less overwhelmed. The girls have been crazy - fighting, crying, hitting me, etc - I think they feel the atmosphere of limbo but don't really understand it. But it has been so cute when they come up and kiss my stomach and sing to the baby. So for now we wait...

So yesterday we celebrated Eden's 3rd birthday (along with her Auntie Casey's birthday). Fun times had by all but Eden was just so excited. After dinner she went and sat on the couch just looking at all the presents trying to wait patiently for everyone to finish eating so we could eat birthday cake and open presents. For weeks whenever we prayed Eden thanked God for her friends and for her Birthday cake. Such simple things to be thankful for. And she had no doubt that there would be a birthday cake. Such trust. Such confidence. She didn't ask God for a birthday cake - she thanked Him in advance for the cake she knew would be there. How often do I pray with that same trust and confidence? I ask God for LOTS of things - and I know that He is faithful to hear my prayers - but can I honestly say that I believe wholeheartedly that I will see an answer? I love to pray - I think it is one the best gifts God has given us - to be able to, at any time, communicate with our Lord - to share our hurts, desires, joys, whatever. And for Him to communicate with us. He wants to pour so much into our hearts, lives, spirit - so much wisdom, discerment, love - if we would just come to him - if we would just seek His face - if we would just be still and know. I want to have that childlike faith and assurance about my prayers that Eden has for hers. Whether it be a birthday cake or salvation for several of my family members - I want to thank God in advance - with trust and confidence that He can, and will, do abundantly more than we can ask.

No deep thoughts. I feel like I should write something deep and meaningful as I read many of my blogger friends' posts but the only thing I come up with 'where is that lip balm for my hospital bag'. Technically I have about 4 weeks until Baby arrives but with my history it really could be any day. Which freaks me out. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about packing my suitcase, the need to buy diapers, what if it is a boy, what are going to name this child, will I really know if it's time to go the hospital - but most importantly - can I be a good mom to 3 kiddos... K & E are troopers and thankfully love going to other people's houses to play - but I feel like all I say these days is "maybe later - stop doing that - don't stick your tongue out at your sister (or mommy!) - don't chase the dog - I'm tired - let's all take a rest (which, BTW, never works). As I tell myself, and have been reminded by friends - this is a season. Hopefully the girls' will remember this as the time they got to spend a lot of time with friends =) Anyway - no deep thoughts - I'm just so glad that God has a plan so that when I do freak out I can just sit back and cry knowing that He is in control and will continue to give me the strength and endurance to get through this wonderful, challenging season of life.

Well really - has it been almost 18 months? I did say that I would blog "sparingly" =) Actually, it took me this long to remember my login and password and finally just had to create a new one. But I'm excited because now I can respond to all my friend's blogs with my comments, thoughts, etc. But I might as well update things a little here. We've settled into the new house - the one we moved into almost two years ago. We've been doing some moving around since we are expecting Baby Tucker to arrive in the next 2-4 weeks. The girls got new bunk beds and daddy put a closet organizer in Kezia's old closet for the girls to share. Kezia thinks its a dream come true since she can now reach all the clothes and changes several times during the day. I'm a little worried about her new fashion conscious attitude and her desire to be pretty - but she is a Princess after all. Hopefully daddy and I can provide a little balance in regards to inner and outer beauty. Oh, the joys of having daughters. Kezia and Eden love jumping into the crib and taking turns being the "baby" - which they now believe will be a boy (that probably will change back to a girl next week =) Of course with me fighting a yucky head cold/sinus infection and contracting all the time the girls are hurting for some serious energy releasers. They look forward to seeing the mailman in hopes of a new Netflix - and yesterday we had a guy look at our heating ducts and you would have thought by the girls' reaction that he came to play with them. Poor things - but as I keep telling myself - this is just a season of life that will pass quickly. Too quickly really and as much as I gripe about feeling miserable, having heartburn, not fitting into anything, swollen ankles, not sleeping, peeing all the time, tired and just plain crabby - there will come a day when all I will remember is how this little bundle somersaulted inside of me and how my little girls put their hands on my tummy and prayed for their newest sibling. Ah, the bliss of mommy amnesia.